Blowing Out Someone Else’s Candle Won’t Make Yours Shine Brighter: A Lesson in Fairness and Compassion

 Blowing Out Someone Else’s Candle Won’t Make Yours Shine Brighter: A Lesson in Fairness and Compassion

Desalegn Terecha

 

  In life, we often find ourselves in situations where others' success or happiness can make us feel insecure. Whether in personal relationships, business partnerships, or even casual interactions with coworkers, the temptation to undermine others can be strong. However, as the saying goes, “blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine brighter.” This is a powerful reminder that success, happiness, and fulfillment come from lifting others up, not from putting them down.

Fairness in Partnership, Friendship, and Social Life

In both personal and business relationships, fairness is key to building trust, respect, and long-term success. Many books on personal and business development emphasize the importance of working with others in ways that foster mutual growth. For example, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey focuses on the power of collaboration, win-win thinking, and empathy. Covey teaches us that when we seek to understand others and create value for everyone involved, we build stronger relationships. Whether it’s a coworker, a business partner, or a neighbor, fairness and understanding are essential.

In Give and Take by Adam Grant, the concept of “givers,” “takers,” and “matchers” is explored. Givers, who prioritize helping others, tend to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. By helping others shine, you inevitably create an environment where your own success is more likely to flourish. On the contrary, takers, who only look out for themselves, may find short-term gains but often face burnout and distrust from others. The key takeaway is simple: If you can't help someone, at least don't harm them.

Don’t Do to Others What You Don’t Want Done to You

The idea of fairness and reciprocity is central to many philosophies and religious teachings. In the Bible, the Golden Rule is one of the most profound principles, found in passages like Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” This timeless principle urges us to consider how our actions affect others. Whether in business, friendship, or family, treating others with kindness and respect is crucial.

Japanese philosophy also teaches a similar lesson through the concept of Ikigai, which emphasizes the importance of finding joy and purpose in life by contributing to the well-being of others. In a business context, this philosophy promotes cooperation, balance, and mutual respect. Wabi-sabi, the Japanese appreciation of imperfection, further teaches us that no one is perfect, and we should accept and support each other’s growth. Rather than competing or undermining, we should embrace a mindset of helping others, understanding that everyone has a unique path and purpose.

Key Takeaways for Toxic Parties

1. Don’t Undermine Others: Engaging in negative behavior, such as gossiping or sabotaging others, only harms your own reputation. Rather than seeking to make others fail, focus on your own growth. "A rising tide lifts all boats," as the saying goes.

2. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. In the words of Stephen Covey, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Compassionate listening and understanding are keys to healthier relationships.

3. Focus on Win-Win Solutions: In business and personal life, strive for win-win situations. Work to create partnerships and friendships where both parties benefit, avoiding zero-sum thinking.

4. Avoid Negative Competition: Instead of trying to outshine someone by putting them down, focus on self-improvement and letting your strengths shine naturally. True success comes from collaboration, not competition.

5. Lead by Example: Your actions can inspire others. Be the type of person who lifts others up, not the one who tries to extinguish their light. The greatest leaders are those who empower those around them.

Examples from the Bible and Japanese Philosophy

Bible: In Proverbs 11:25, it says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” This speaks to the idea of mutual benefit and how kindness toward others ultimately benefits you. Similarly, the story of Joseph in the Old Testament illustrates how helping others, even in challenging times, can lead to greater personal reward.

Japanese Philosophy: The story of the Kintsugi tradition—repairing broken pottery with gold—shows that we can find beauty in the imperfections of others and ourselves. It teaches us not to tear others down but to appreciate them for their uniqueness, even when they are flawed. This mindset fosters a sense of unity and support.

Conclusion

Whether in our personal or professional lives, the lesson remains clear: blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine brighter. True fulfillment comes from cooperation, fairness, and supporting others on their journey. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let’s remember that our success is intertwined with the success of those around us. If we focus on lifting others up, we will create an environment where everyone can shine brighter.

By embracing the principles of fairness, empathy, and mutual respect, we cultivate not just better relationships but a better world for all. Let’s make it our goal to be the kind of person who inspires others to be their best, not by diminishing their light, but by helping them shine.